Candy Night

Last night I went and bought candy for trick or treaters for the first time ever. Living in Manhattan kids only go to stores to get candy. In my eight years of living there, I never had anyone ring my buzzer for some sweets. Probably better they don't....there are so many crazies you never know who might be waiting at the door. I'm looking forward to tonight though...I used to have the best time dressed up as something funny...remember "Jem and the rockers"? One year I was Jem....pink hair, microphone and all. So much fun. So bring it on tonight kids...I've got the candy! Everyone have a great night.

goodbye country road

I'm home from Georgia. Nice to be back, although I'm missing the warm weather. I thought I would post a couple of pics. My sister and I bored on a 20 hour car ride...and the most beautiful sky.

Georgia oN mY mInD

So I've been here in Georgia for a few days now. Shout out to Mike, (fellow blogger's home state). The weather has been lovely...75-80 and sunny. Big change from freezing and raining CT. Life moves at a slower pace here in this little town...and so do the computers. Well, at least my grandparents...I forgot what it was like to not have a cable modem...all I can say is you need a little patience. It takes me a good hour to get online just to check my email, so I'm sure you can see I'm running out of things to keep me busy if I'm online posting. I haven't been able to take any pictures of the peanut field, as I'm sure you were all so desperately waiting to see...there were no peanuts planted this year. Behind their house there is now a cotton field. It's interesting if you've never seen how cotton grows...actual little white fluffy balls on a plant. More loads of fun. Well, all sarcasm aside I must say Georgia has the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen...the picture above is one I took the first night here. Every night it seems to be a different color.
The family drama has been kept to a minimum....only a few tears today. My grandmother seems to tell a quite different story of my mother's dramatic childhood than the one my mother actually remembers. My mother, then 5 yrs. old, was home with her soon to be stepfather one day alone. He packed a bag for her and pushed her outside for most of the day and told her to leave. He told her they were going to have new children and they wouldn't want her around anymore. My grandmother came home and he told her that my mother was trying to leave. He spanked her in front of my grandmother for lying, when she was actually telling the truth. My grandmother believed him...and tells the story almost as a joke today. My mother seems to be a bit traumatized by the event. She remembers the tiny suitcase she was forced to pack and feeling that day that no one wanted her. Everyone has their own skeletons...sometimes they are better left packed away.
I love my family...but I'm looking foward to returning home. I miss my husband...I miss my new home...and I'm happy to hear myself say for the first time...I miss Connecticut.

" I dreamt last night that I had special powers. That if I squeezed my eyes tight, clenched my fists as close as possible, we'd all end up in paradise. I was a super hero, and that was my power."

Gideon Largeman: [from deleted scenes, Garden State]

"I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got."

Sam: [Garden State]

Peanuts anyone?

This Saturday morning I'm taking a road trip. My sister, mother and I are driving from CT to Georgia to see my grandparents. They are good old fashioned southern people. As I said before, they live in a peanut field....ok, well not in it, but it's behind their house. Nashville, GA is the name of the town....and when I say country...I mean country. My cell phone doesn't even work there. The nearest stores...which consist of super walmart, super kmart...and all kinds of super marts...are a good 45 min. away. It's such a small town that last time I took a trip there the local newspaper wanted to write an article on me!....a "celebrity" in Nashville. If I'm the closest thing to a celebrity they've seen....oh no. It really is so different it's almost another world. Not in a bad way though at all. My Granny can make home cooking like no other! Everything may be fried...but damn...it's good! The people in the town are nicer than any I've ever met....and I think my Papa knows them all. It's a long drive...and an interesting vacation, but when you leave you have such a "sense" of family values...and a new appreciation for the simple things in life. I think it's a good time for me to go. Sometimes we need to be reminded that life is too short to let the little things pass us by.

100 things

ALL ABOUT ME

1. I grew up in Jacksonville, Fl. People don't think of Florida as the South...all I can say is visit North FL.

2.I lived in a real live trailer when I was 5...no, not in a trailer park...just somewhere in the woods.

3.I have grandparents that live in a peanut field in Nashville, GA, yes I mean GA, not Tenn.

4.I lived in CT for my 4yrs of highschool and was made fun of for my southern accent...."where yall goin now?"...I practiced every day until I could speak without one...now I would like it back.

5.I moved to NYC the summer after highschool graduation with a backpack and $100.00.

6. My first date in NYC I was 18, and he was a model photographer...he was 36....but lied and told me he was 28...(I believed him.)

7.The next man I dated told me he was straight....he lied....( I believed him)

8. I met my husband when I was 19, I thought he was beautiful ( I still do)

9. I partied and did many drugs....my parents once found out and threatened to send me to rehab.

10. My boyfriend (husband now) and I broke up and he moved to LA for an acting job.

11. I dated a man with an STD...he lied...and never told me...no I didn't get it.

12. He dumped me and was the only person to ever break my heart and to treat me like complete shit.

13. I've dated a few famous rockstars

14. I've made out with a few famous movie stars.

15. I have three tattoos.

16. I've had many piercings...nose,ears, tounge, nipples...belly...most of which I no longer have.

17. I've had many jobs...grocery store, dry cleaners, cocktail waitress, shot girl, bartender

18. I was enrolled in nursing school before I moved to NYC to be a model.

19. I've been to acting school and to college for business

20. I still don't know what I want to do with my life.

21. My boyfriend moved back from LA and we got back together.

22. We got married June 15th 2005.

23. He was a model and soap actor that has given it all up for a quieter life and to have a family.

24. I have a younger sister...she's always been the smart one.

25. I have a younger brother, he acts very much like my father...and sometimes lacks compassion.

25. My parents divorced 2 1/2 years ago.

26. My father has cheated on my mother...probably numerous times.

27. He left my mother for a younger woman....then tried to come back.

28. My mother remarried another man this summer...I .like him.

29. In the past I have cheated on all of my boyfriends and felt no guilt.

30. I have never cheated on my husband.

31. My best friends are my mother and sister, both of whom I speak with everyday.

32. My father is engaged to "the other woman".

33. We are rebuilding our relationship.

34. My mother is a nurse.

35. My mother was raped as a child.

36. She had an addiction to morphine when I was a teenager.

37. My mother is one of the strongest people I know.

38. My dad is Jewish and my mother southern Baptist.

39. I was raised Christian for a while...then just spiritual.

40. I once wore a cross necklace in an elementary school picture, I saw the photo framed at my Jewish grandmother's house....with the cross colored over with pen.

41. I got married at city hall in NYC with a best friend as a witness...she also got married that day.

42. I hate to sing karaoke....my husband loves it. (now if I had a decent voice...that would be a different story.)

43. I moved to CT two weeks ago (oct 1, 2005) from NY.

44. I miss NY

45. when the weather is nice I'm in a better mood and it's easier to adjust to the culture change.

46. I refuse to ever get a "bob" haircut.

47. I will never own a minivan

48. Two weeks ago I could drink 10 shots of jameson in one night ( at work )- hey , I was a bartender.

49. My favorite cocktail is kettle one and club soda

50. I have not drank since I've been here...and I do not miss it

51. I do not miss my old job...or my old apartment

52. My bedtime used to be 5am...it is now around midnight.

53. I hate not having things to do...I get very anxious

54. I own three dogs...a yorkie, Boston terrier...and an epileptic chihuahua.

55. I love my new apartment.

56. I love how nice people are here.

57. I thought new yorkers were nice until I moved away.

58. I used to get angry if someone bumped into me...now I think there is just more space so it doesn't happen as often.

59. I witnessed the terrorist attacks of 9-11

60. I still have a fear of flying and will start to panic a few days before I have to

61. I have been to therapists before.

62. I really just felt like talking and wondered what it was all about...I never got anything from it thought it was a waste of money.

63. I'm a great listener.

64. Friends tell me I should be a motivational speaker...I give great encouragement.

65. I love spaghetti.

66. I love interior design. I think it's important to have a space you feel comfortable in.

67. I like things to be clean, or it makes me uncomfortable.

68. I hate arrogant people.

69. I dated a man that was 38 when I was 22. He would introduce me as "this is -------- isn't she pretty."

70. I broke up with him...I'm not an idiot.

71. I did very well in school.

72. I was a cheerleader and the captain of the cheerleading squad...but I was not a bubbly bitch.

73. I once did a photoshoot for the cover of "American Cheerleader" magazine. No they did not know I was a cheerleader in highschool.

74. I once dated the most gorgeous male model that I met during a cosmo photoshoot and dumped him because he was soooo damn boring and stupid.

75. I was once on one of those dating shows on tv. I did not like my date.

76. I donated all the money I had to hurricane katrina victims so I couldn't pay my rent that month....well, it was very late.

77. I have a great sense of humor, I love to laugh and make people laugh.

78. I watch "Extreme Home Makeover" and cry every time.

79. I love animals....hence the three dogs.

80. I just got a job selling jewelry...I start in a few weeks.

81. One of my customers at my last bar job told me I could sell ice cream to an Eskimo. ( he was drunk...but hey a compliment is a compliment)

82. I hate sweets....I don't like chocolate.

83. too many bites of sweet stuff will make me nauseous.

84. I love salty food

85. I have been very thin my whole life. Most of it as a child/teenager I was made fun of and called anorexic.

86. My nickname in highschool was twiggy...my sister was twiggy jr.

87. I have had 4 friends with bulimia.

88. I have never had an eating disorder, but have been accused of it many times.

89. I eat more than my husband...he doesn't know where I put it.

90. I have only recently become happy with my body. I am an adult and still eat anything and everything I want and stay thin...I used to hate it and wished I had more curves.

91. I think men with tattoos are sexy.

92. I think women with tattoos are sexy.

93. I've made out with a girl before...I'm not gay or bisexual.

94. I can appreciate the beauty of another woman...I am not catty.

95. I think I have a good fashion sense and I love to dress other people.

96. I would like to have children one day.

97. my husband would like a child soon.

98. I think nurturing and caring are some of my best qualities.

99. I wish I could relax more often and just be content.

100. My biggest fears are getting old...and death.

Would you like to buy some sparkles???!!

I interviewed at an upscale store to do some sort of retail shit...and was immediately hired to sell jewelry. Not only have I never done retail....but I don't know much about selling jewels. You ask how did I get hired then? Call on: the actress ...this I have done! I can sit home as a housewife no longer, (today is my first day). I would like to return to school in the fall, but until then I need something to keep me busy. I want to stay away from bartending. I'm trying to have a lifestyle change, and working late and binge drinking a few nights a week was becoming a bit much. I don't start until Nov. 12, so I still have a few weeks of soap operas and vacuuming to hold me over. The excitement of suburban life continues.

And on the 13th day....The sun came out

Tomorrow I will have been here for two weeks, and I swear it has been raining for 98 percent of that time! Talk about putting a damper on trying to adjust to a new place. I woke up today and it has stopped...and the forecast is predicting a little sun. That's all I need...a little sun. Everything is wet...and the brooke behind my apartment has gone from a slow trickle to a raging river....Seriously. When I open a window, or the back door, it has the sound of a huge waterfall. I guess some people pay money to have one of those sound machines that gives you recordings of this kind of stuff. I think I like it.


So I'm helping my sister move into a new apartment today. She's moving into my apartment complex....just a few buildings down. She's 25 and in grad school to be a nurse anethesist. She's moving here to be closer to school so she doesn't have such a long drive everyday. She decided to move in here with her fiance and since they've decided to break off their engagement, and live apart....at least for a few months. So today at the least should be interesting....he will be helping us move her.


Husband starts work on Monday, and I'll be home alone. I'm visiting family the last week of October in Florida and Georgia, (yes I'm a city girl, from the south- North Florida) so I won't be getting a job until November. Home alone in the suburbs. What will I do? Maybe I should start collecting pine cones for those crafts to sell on eBay....I better get started....you know what apartments in NYC go for these days??....it's gonna take a few.

Another day in Suburbia and there's nothing on t.v.

I really miss NY. I knew this was going to happen...the stages of grief...I knew I was going to have them all... I was in denial for the first few days, "yeah, this is great...no problem...I won't even notice I'm in a completely different environment...Besides, I'll be so busy unpacking these 1200 boxes, I won't have time to miss NY." There are no more boxes...Nothing else to decorate, nothing else to clean, and I'm driving my husband crazy with the vacuum. Then there was anger..."Stupid husband, why did you have to get a damn good job...Stupid ass." That didn't go over too well. I bargained for a day or two..."Ok, we'll try it out for a few months...I can make some crafts or something, sell them on eBay, and make enough to keep an apartment in NY also!." Yeah right! Then last night I realized I'd reached depression. I love watching documentaries of all kinds, HBO on demand always has plenty ( hookers of vegas, prisoners of rikers). Very educational. I was watching, "Methadonia: America Undercover- A look at the flaws of legal methadone treatments for heroin addiction through case studies of several New York City addicts." All I could focus on was these people living in the city... NYC in every shot...every corner....every AA meeting. I had to turn it off...It actually made me sad...seeing the place I left behind...in all of it's guts and glory. I knew this was going to take time...more than two weeks. Hopefully acceptance isn't too far off.

Things I love....and desperately miss

Things I love about CT

• space, space and more space!
• seeing my family a couple of times a week
• the brooke behind my apartment
• having a car again and not needing public transportation
• learning how to just "be"...not constantly on the move
• peaceful and relaxing
• super nice people! (especially cashiers...they no longer throw my groceries into bags)
• slower pace of life and learning how to appreciate the small things

Things I desperately miss about NYC

• my little morning coffee shop
• the neighbors in my old building, none of which could speak much english, but still knew my name...and the names of my dogs
• walking around...just to walk, with so much to see
• the "energy" of the city
• the attitude of new yorkers
• fast pace of life...and knowing that anything is possible that day

I'm still having homesickness...mainly at night. But I've only been here for a week, I'm keeping an open mind. I have to keep reminding myself that we moved here to have a better way of life, for us! So those of you that would take the city any day over this...I understand, and I feel you!! I am here to be near family...to have my own family. I love NYC and I'm having major withdrawls....I feel I need a support group. My name is City...and I'm an addict.

pics

So I charge the camera batteries...and it's raining and dark out...so here are a few boring pics. It's a 2 bed/2 bath...decent size apartment. Husband built a little fence in the back to keep the dogs in...and that is the brooke behind us...though since it's raining it's hard to see how beautiful it really is. I'll have to take more later.

so far so good

It's been a week now since my move to the suburbs. I still don't think it has fully sunk in. I used to come here all the time to visit family for vacation, so it still just seems like I'll be going back to the city any day now. I have to admit that I'm a little more comfortable than I thought I would be. I figured I would be anxious and depressed for a while, but so far so good. I do have my occasional feelings of homesickness...but for the most part I'm ok. I finally found my camera charger, so I'll take some pics today and post them. Life moves at a slower pace, which is probably good for my health! I need to learn to sit down for a minute and just "be". I'm the kind of person that always has to be doing something, I don't know how to take a break. Seeing as I'm jobless now, I'm going to have to learn. Husband starts his new job next Monday, then I'll be home alone. He loves it here by the way. It couldn't be any better. I guess thats all the excitement for now...I have to go buy a new vacuum...oh god...just call me martha.

I'm here!

So I've been in my new apartment for two days now. The move was exhausting! I finally felt a little emotional...at 4am at my job, saying good bye to my friends. They brought me cake and crystal champagne, it was all very sweet. I felt a little teary...and wondered if I was making a mistake. Today I'm a little more settled in though, still a few boxes to unpack, but for the most part it's all done. The apartment is great, I really do love it. Outside my back door it's very private with trees and a brooke running by...it's beautiful, and yes the dogs love it. Husband also thinks he's in Heaven. He was really ready to leave Manhattan. I know I'll have a little more adjusting to do, but for the most part, I'm happy. I'll post some pics as soon as I can take some....or find my camera.