Is that You?

I've never been a religious person. Then I guess that probably relates back to my upbringing. My father was Jewish...my mother southern Baptist. They brought me to church for years when I was very young. Though for one reason or another we would leave that church and go on to a new one. My parents could never find the "right" one. A place that accepted everyone...and did not preach fear or predjudice. I feel my mother wanted me to have a spiritual sense...though not confined to one specific belief.

Throughout the years I've casually researched everything from Hinduism to Paganism. I have taken different parts of each, that has related to how I feel my life should be lived. There is also plenty from each I shy away from. I think I feel there is something bigger than us. I'm not sure what that is. In the back of my mind though, the thought often passes...is there really a God?

Sometimes I pray. I'm not really sure who to...but I pray. Sometimes it's to my dead relatives...other times I have said, "God". Recently I have found myself praying often. I have been dealing with more stress than I have in my last 29 years. Between finding myself dealing with sickness...my husband and I stressing over finances...the list seems to never end. Is that really the time to find God? Is it real, if we only go searching in our time of need? Would someone want to answers prayers that only called apon them for help...

Sometimes I see signs. Conicidences maybe. I want to believe life is more magical than it seems. Maybe it is. I'm keeping my eyes and mind open. When my life becomes easier again...as I know it will. "This too shall pass." I'll try not to close the door again...be grateful for the things I do have, so when I call out for help...someone just may listen.