Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Day Off

Today is my first day off after working six. Black Friday wasn't too bad...then again, being from NYC, crowds never seem to phase me. I enjoy being busy at work, just makes the time pass faster. Even though I have a day off, I'm still working all day. Just one day off to run all my errands. I have to take one of our dogs to the vet today to get her a new prescription of anti-seizure meds...and one of my other dogs has been vomiting after eating something bad...so I'm just running around trying to clean up after him!

I would like to decorate for Christmas...though I'm kind of feeling "bah humbugish". I think the holidays are more fun with young kids around. The youngest kid in our family is 21...not much magic left at that age. I'm sure I'll decorate anyway...one day I would like to be like Clark Griswald in National Lampoons Christmas Vaca. That's my favorite holiday movie...so funny. My sister and I are having a party at my house on the 17th, so I better get in the spirit. I'll take some pics after I get it all up.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Inappropriate David

I spent Thanksgiving dinner at my Aunt's house ( my dad's sister )...since my parents divorced I'm now splitting the holidays. I'll be spending Christmas with my mother. It was my husband and I, my sister and brother...Aunt, Uncle, 2 cousins, Grandma, Grandpa, Dad and his new fiance (who's my husband's age)...and my Aunt that lives in NYC - she brought one of her new boyfriends...that my bro, sis and I have dubbed: Inappropriate David. Have you ever been around someone who's presence just makes things awkward? He kept saying the stupidest things over and over again.

My Aunt is in Nursing school, so David as a joke bought a litte Fischer Price doctor bag. He brought it out at the dinner table and proceeded to "doctor" everyone. Now let me tell you, this is my uptight a little snobbish Jewish side of the family. My brother walks back into the room...

bro: what is that for?

david: to get any 6 year old girl to play doctor with me!

everyone: silence....sis giggling under her breath at his obnoxious statement. He meant it as a joke...that it's a kids doctor bag...but come on! thats just inappropriate!

My grandma then starts talking about having a headache.

David: I can take you to the back room with my kit and give you a check up?!

all of us: awww man! sis giggling under breath.

David: drawing a picture on a napkin for my Aunt to study in nursing school. (supposed to be a pic of the anatomy) look everyone....it's a stick figure with boobies!

The obnoxiousness went on and on. You wanted to laugh, but it was more at him than with him. This man is in his 50's....(so is my aunt.)

My husband and brother laughed all the way home.
Well, he definitely broke up the lull in the conversation...just making everyone a bit uncomfortable....though definitely not boring!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is a day for giving thanks....I am thankful for so much. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday...and eats lots of food. I am spending the day with my Dad's side of the family...should be interesting as always.

Happy Birthday to my girl Jenius! I hope she has a wonderful day!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Nothin' Much

I haven't posted in a few days, I've been so busy with the full time job. I thought I would hate it, but I'm really loving it. So strange...goes to show you should try new things, you never know what you'll end up liking. It's even making me happy being here in CT...I haven't missed NYC in a whole week! That's big!! Ok, well I'm going to spend some time with the hubby, I just wanted to post a funny email I got today...I'm sure you'll all be able to relate!


I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you,thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe,secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or DR Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic.I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually AlQaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupidnumber for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have theirrecipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Geez,the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next door neighbor'sex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's other's beautician!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Gaaaawd! &!#)*&%)(*)(#$

Work has been pretty good. Finished my three days of training today, and I sold three pieces of jewelry, quite lovely. It's an interesting job, guess by the time I figure out what I really want to do, I will be able to say I tried almost everything at least once...well not everything, but I feel like I've had many different jobs. The car is holding up just fine, thanks for all of your stories about the pieces of shit you've had to deal with over the years. As soon as Husband and I get some time we'll get out to look for another car. Until then we've been taking turns with the new car and the hoopty...it's only fair. I would rather not go car shopping alone, so if he would ever get some time off! Other than that CT is going pretty well. I finally am starting to feel at home. We still have so many friends and family that live in the city, so it's easy to go and stay any time, and I'm really appreciating all the space! Other than that not much else...hubby is cooking me dinner right now...rare occasion, but I am a working woman ...I deserve to be waited on once in a while. ;)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Bojangles

So the beater my husband and I were borrowing from the grandparents is home once again. This is the second time my grandfather has paid to have it fixed...if you can call it that. I think it's just temporarily capable. I have never seen a car break down more. We did buy one new car, but we were hoping to not have to buy 2 at the same time. Living in NYC you don't need a car, since we have both been there for over 8 years we haven't owned one in awhile. I'm trying to suck it up and deal with driving a piece of crap...it's not that I'm worried about what it looks like, I just want something dependable. Tomorrow is my first day of work...yes, I am a housewife no longer...thank the Lord! It's gettin' damn boring. I just hope Mr. Bojangles will hold up. I have a feeling we may be car shopping sooner than we had hoped.

Oh, his name is Bojangles cause when you drive it jingles...just seemed appropriate.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes, Awww!"


Jack Kerouac

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Reading
















Mental Flashback...6 yrs.


Buzz. Buzz. Buzzzzzz.

I stopped by the mirror one last time to check my reflection. Hair messy and tousled without looking like I tried too hard...check...hip hugger jean skirt, ripped in all the right places, pulled too low on my hips..check...lip gloss, the right shade of clear, thick enough to stick to my hair, check! I ran down the yellowing tile stairs composing myself while trying not to trip on my new kitten heeled flip flops. Deep breath..and sly smile in place..."hey", I said nonchalantly and sweet, slowing sliding my oversized black Chanel sunglasses over my eyes. "Ready babe?", he said coolly as he threw his muscular arm over my bare suntanned shoulders. "Uh huh, where are you taking me?" "You'll see...something different." My excitement grew as the butterflies in my stomach felt more like the large black grackles in the movie The Birds, attacking my insides. I was enamored with this handsome arrogant man and damnit I wasn't going to let him know it!

We stopped on the corner of 7th Avenue South, a busy intersection with obnoxious horn blowing taxis and a sombrero wearing Mexican restaurant. "Hmmm" I thought...not so romantic. We turned the corner and he rang the buzzer on this little decrepit building. The windows were large and rimmed with a shiny gold metal. I glanced at the name on buzzer...Zena. "What the hell?!" "Yeesss!" screeched a raspy voice. "We're here for a reading" said arrogant man. We're at a psychic??...I thought of a reading I had once in the past, which was a complete load of crap, so I was a bit disappointed this was the wonderful outing he had planned for us today. I put on the sexiest smile I could pull off and hesitantly walked through the large wooden door he held open for me.

I looked around the small crowded room as we waited for Zena to make her entrance. The curtains blocked out most of the sunlight and the room was lit by musk smelling candles. There was a small table in the center of the room, with a crystal ball that had a strange glow about it. A chill ran down my spine even though the summer heat was creeping through the slightly cracked open windows. A movement in my peripheral vision caused me to jump, and I quickly glanced over my shoulder. There was a spiral staircase I hadn't noticed before with long flowy fabric gliding down. Slowly moving step by step, small feet with sparkling slippers moved towards us. It seemed as though we were both hypnotized. "How did you find me?", her voice was soft yet compelling. "A friend that I worked with on a film." cracked arrogant man. My lips sealed tight as I tried to find words, I coughed through my dry mouth trying to swallow. "What can I do for you then?" replied Zena.

He sat at the table across from the psychic wiping his palms against his khaki shorts. Zena began shuffling the cards with more skill than a vegas poker dealer. She layed them out in some specific order and began telling Mr. Arrogant what his future beheld. It's very hard for me to remember exactly what she said, but it was something along the lines of, " You will be a famous working actor, living in Los Angeles." Suprise I thought...where else do actors usually live other than NY or LA. I was not impressed and my nervousness began to subside. My mind drifted and daydreamed of the idealistic day we would have after we left this creepy place.

"Ahmm! Excuse me dear...are you ready?" "Oh! Sure!" I snapped out of my own visions of the day I hoped to come. She shuffled and layed out the cards in the same pattern she had done a few minutes before. I watched her gray eyes scan them as if trying to decipher their true meanings. "I see that you are also an actress...but this wasn't your original plan." "Something in the health care field?" "Yes, I was going to be a nurse." I replied. "This is something you would have done well with." "Sure, but I'm not doing that, so move on!" I thought. "I see 4 children in your future." "Ok..." I said...hoping she would move along with the good stuff, and stop scaring my boyfriend with visions of children. She then dropped the bomb..."You will reunite with a past lover that now resides in California." My heart stopped as I looked at Mr. Arrogant to see if he was listening. He watched with a smirk on his face as if nothing mattered other than his own fame and fortune to come. "I do not see you being the next Julia Roberts...you will work as an actress, but this is not what you will be recognized for." At that moment I was ready to flip those cards off the table and walk out the door with my CURRENT LOVER! "One more thing, she said...writing...this is what you will be recognized for...you will write something." How fabulously freakin' glamorous I thought! "Do you have any questions?" she asked. " No, no...thank you very much." I said as politely as possible. I grabbed my purse and headed for the door not looking back.

Mr. A and I walked back through the crowded streets of Manhattan to my Chelsea apartment. We discussed the readings and I laughed off what I had been told. He also agreed he would never leave the east coast and move to Cali. I sat home alone that night contemplating what I had been told, knowing that I shouldn't take it seriously...I mean it's just for fun, right? I've had many "fun" readings with friends since then...most of which I can't remember a word of what was said, but that day with Zena I cannot forget no matter how hard I've tried.

Today I live in Connecticut...married to my old lover from California. Mr. Arrogant is a working actor residing in California. I am writing...even if it is for my own entertainment...it is something I never thought I would do. I worked as an actress...and I gave it up...letting go of a future in that industry. Much more was said...most of it true...maybe it's all a conincidence. Before I moved from Manhattan I stopped by the little building that Zena lives in...but she was never available for another reading. I wanted to go once again...just to hear her tell me something different...or would she? I guess I may never know.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

weekend warrior

Jump in car and slam door...make sure all doors are locked and no one is hiding in the back seat.

Honey?? Yes? I'm never seeing a movie like that again.
Him: Come on, laughing, Saw 2 was great.
Me: I don't know...the older I get...the more gruesome...it seems scarier than when I was a kid.
Him: Babe, you smell that?
Me: Yes....what is that??
Him: Smells like this beater we're been borrowing from your grandparents is about to shit out.

Car: proceeds to pour smoke from hood and fill inside with smoke to not allow inside passengers to see 1inch in front of them while driving 65 on the highway.

Car slowly comes to a stop on the side of the highway, completely dark...flickering street lamp...the wind suddenly picks up speed and howls, the perfect scene for every horror film ever written.

Call AAA for tow truck.

Wait for 45 minutes, for Bob and Joe to pick us up. Put us in the back seat where they have a laptop playing scenes from, "Girls Gone Wild." Hmmm, what scary movie am I in?

Make it home safely...vow to see no more horror films...at least for a week.
Buy new car tomorrow. Whew. What a weekend.


"You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music" -- Jim Carrey

Thursday, November 03, 2005

my destiny please?

I've spent numerous hours lately contemplating the meaning of my life. A little dramatic I know, but damn it, that's how I've been feeling. Perhaps at the moment I have too much time on my hands, but I need to feel as though I have a purpose. I fled to NYC as a wide-eyed naive teenager trying to fulfill something I felt was missing. Though I grew as a person and had experiences sufficient of two lifetimes...I do not feel as though I "found myself", or my calling. I enjoyed modeling for the traveling, but the unglamorous, superficial industry left me feeling empty. Acting school and working as an actor was a creative outlet and something I enjoyed, but a lack of passion for the "craft" was never going to take me to that next level. I'm sure we all go through our 20 something crisis...The time to grow up and make things happen. I just have a serious problem committing to a career that is not going to satisfy me on a deeper level. I've never had an issue making money or paying the bills, perhaps it sounds selfish, but I want something more. I recognize a substantial amount my homesickness is associated with this "who am I and where do I belong?". It does give me comfort reading all of your posts to see that we all are going through this letting go, change and discovering ourselves in the process. Whether it's to move or not to across the country, keeping a job you hate, having a new husband or letting go of an old love, change is what we all know too well. In a way it's exciting the unknown of the future, but sometimes I just wish there was a place we could go and have our destiny handed to us on a piece of paper with clear instructions on how to get there.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Just another morning


She arose early, pushing the matted hair away from her slowly opening sleep encrusted eyes. She looked at the bright sunlight shining between the closed red velvet curtains. The fog slowly drifted from her mind...and she realized where she was. A slight pang of nostalgic memories swiftly bounded through her head. She pulled the blankets high over her and let the warmth envelop and enclose her senses.

The smell of the bold brewing coffee brought forth another unwelcome awakening from her dreams of another time. She reluctantly threw her brick heavy feet over the side of the bed and trudged to the kitchen. With a steaming cup of caffeine settled between her chilled fingers she fell into the cushy sofa to watch the early morning news. She rapidly changed the channels viewing show after show of the city she left behind. She laughed at herself thinking how ridiculous for a person to feel so addicted to a place. She wondered what it was she couldn't let go of...the place she actually left?...or was it the person she was, that she really left behind?


Her husband gathered his belongings for work and glanced over to look at his wife intently focused on the television. Her eyes were far away absorbed with some other place. He walked over, bending to kiss her good-bye on the top of her head. His dark blue eyes met hers and whispered, "everything will be OK...it always takes time." He gave her an encouraging smile and left for a demanding and different day. He also had to find his way in this new life they had chosen.

She pushed open the heavy sliding glass door to feel the unusually warm weather pour into the living room and surround her with the smells of Fall. The rocky brook down below rushed with the sounds of determination and a purpose. She looked down to see a small squirrel near the cement patio attentively digging to bury his acorn for what must be the cold winter ahead. She took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat to the hollow pit encompassing her stomach.


She thought earnestly of the many things she had to be grateful for. The sun shifted to a new position in the morning sky and radiated a warm ray across her face. She recognized one of the hardest parts of life is to discover who we are and how we fit into this world.


She returned inside leaving the door open to continue enjoying what must be the last of the warm weather for the season. She sat back in the black leather chair at her computer to write. It gave her a feeling of relief to see the thoughts from her head move to the screen....
....." She arose early, pushing the matted hair away from her slowly opening sleep encrusted eyes."