my destiny please?
I've spent numerous hours lately contemplating the meaning of my life. A little dramatic I know, but damn it, that's how I've been feeling. Perhaps at the moment I have too much time on my hands, but I need to feel as though I have a purpose. I fled to NYC as a wide-eyed naive teenager trying to fulfill something I felt was missing. Though I grew as a person and had experiences sufficient of two lifetimes...I do not feel as though I "found myself", or my calling. I enjoyed modeling for the traveling, but the unglamorous, superficial industry left me feeling empty. Acting school and working as an actor was a creative outlet and something I enjoyed, but a lack of passion for the "craft" was never going to take me to that next level. I'm sure we all go through our 20 something crisis...The time to grow up and make things happen. I just have a serious problem committing to a career that is not going to satisfy me on a deeper level. I've never had an issue making money or paying the bills, perhaps it sounds selfish, but I want something more. I recognize a substantial amount my homesickness is associated with this "who am I and where do I belong?". It does give me comfort reading all of your posts to see that we all are going through this letting go, change and discovering ourselves in the process. Whether it's to move or not to across the country, keeping a job you hate, having a new husband or letting go of an old love, change is what we all know too well. In a way it's exciting the unknown of the future, but sometimes I just wish there was a place we could go and have our destiny handed to us on a piece of paper with clear instructions on how to get there.
posted by Harlyn at 9:59 AM
14 Comments:
Just be careful. Sometime the things you love are the ones that hurt you the most.
I say "snowboarding saves lives!", but if you do it wrong, it takes lives, too. i dunno about a 'calling', but i've spent a large portion of my life chasing waves and snow. now i can barely walk, and i'm 27. socialized health care, dammit!
Great Picture, again! Love your new banner.
It seems like all of us - or at least - me, you and Jags, are always talking about finding ourselves lately. Funny how we all found each other. I really do understand your feelings. I just wish I had an answer. XOXO
thanks for your comment on my blog!
i understand the whole "being handed your destiny" thing. but you know what? i had that and i gave it away. maybe i thrive on drama. :)
The beauty of living in a free society such as ours is that you get a say in your destiny. No, it is never handed to you on a platter
but that's as it should be in the long run, trust me.
You will go through life being able to shape, adjust and change your own destiny... and this seperates you from the women of third world countries who have NO say in their futures.
You have free will, just by being born in the US, and you have only just come to the "start" life crisis (a saying borrowed from Kiwi). Take the time you have off now to get adjusted... the roller coaster ride has only just begun.
And, take the time to have some breakdowns and good crys... they only cleanse the soul for all that's to be in your journey through life.
"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should"
Life is a funny thing, so unstable, so wonderful, and so unpredictiable. I truely believe we all have a purpose and destiny in life.
I asked myself some of the same questions a few weeks ago. I went to God and opened my Bible in prayer and a verse was waiting there for me.
I can't remember all of what it said, but these words stood out and I still dwell on them today, "In Due Time."
My worries were released and I knew I was heading down the path that was chosen for me.
Patience is a frustrating thing.
Very cool post and an awsome pic.
jags: me too!
Jen:xoxo back at you.
e jay: that why I love you.
ellen:yes I am fortunate enough to live in a free society, and I am grateful to be healthy and have no real problems. growing up has it's trials and I'm just dealing with mine. thanks for your words.
cityman: thanks so much, just what I needed to hear.
In a few years maybe you'll realize as I did that true happiness happens when you clock out, not when you clock in. It's hard to let go of that feeling that we are the true masters of our destiny and that somehow we'll all find content in what we do, but I, sometimes painfully, had to come to enjoy the fact that it's the love at home that truly matters.
Wow did'nt I just share a lot of information with a total stranger.
Funny you are writing this, I was emailing with a friend today and tried to explain to him that although I love being independant and making my own choices in my life, sometimes I honestly wish I had someone to tell me what to do... It would be so much simpler. Then I realize, it might be simpler, yes, but not nearly as sweet.
alannajoy
http://www.randomhouse.com/rhpg/20by20contest/
I love reading your blogs. I left NYC for the other coast and it will never compare. Check out the link above. It's a writing contest. Thought you'd have something to share. Good luck.
I've heard about that place but I've never been. The closest I've been is at a certain time and place I can close my eyes and know that all is going just as it should. I'm not 'lost', this is the path I'm supposed to be on and I'm getting to Go.
City - Don't sweat the small stuff girl. We've all been there. You are to beautiful and smart to not get ahead in life. Stick to your guns and just keep bringing it.
We'll write the manual when we get there.
:)
It is wonderful that you are asking these questions. So many people do not want to think about these things and I believe it is to their detriment.
"An unexamined life is not worth living." ~Socrates.
Also, it is possible to find joy and satisfaction in both your personal and professional life. I know I am in the minority, but it is possible to find satisfaction and fulfillment in what you do for a living. Maybe even love what you do. You are young and will likely have many, many more changes in your life, but the journey is so worth it! You are living your destiny. It is today. :)
It's so much better to control your life than let circumstances do it for ya (as mine).
I know exactly what I want with my life now, just having a prob finding some one to pay me for it,
so I can survive without doing what I know I don't want to do...
(sic)
Once ya find it, it may not work out...
btw I've been here before, but ya seem to get so many commentz already...
Neo: thanks for the support!
John Boy: very inspirational..thank you.
snaggle tooth: you are right, it is better to be able to control your life. it's just sometimes it's hard to figure out the best way to do it.
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