heartbreaker
Have you ever had anyone break your heart? Now I don't mean just break it...I mean pull it out of your chest...juggle it around...pretend to love it...then throw it on the ground and stomp it? The kind of relationship that still haunts your mind on more occasions than you wish to admit?
Well, I haven't. No I'm lying. I have and was unfortunately reminded of it today. It started years ago when I came back to the US from working in Tokyo. I was at a photoshoot for YM magazine. He was 28yrs. old, strikingly handsome, and being shot for the bad boy editorial...suprise!
Husband and I had been dating, but were breaking up...and he was on his way to move to LA. It was the perfect time for the perfect rebound relationship to progress. We'll call bad boy, Ashley...because he has one of those dumb girl names. We'll call his last name Bashley...since his ugly first girl name rhymes with his last....NO JOKE! (Ashley Bashley is a made up name to protect the not so innocent.)
Ashley called to have me meet him out in a club one Friday night. I took my drunk, brings home strange men, vomits on the bathroom floor, walks around naked, grandma made me let her move in for a month cousin, Joy. I couldn't show up lookin' fabulous all alone...even if I didn't like to hang with her. Anyway, point of the story is...Ashley and I spent the night dancing, talking...some kissing...and realizing how much we were meant to be together. Later in the night I went to the restroom and he disappeared. He called me the next morning complaining that he couldn't find me anywhere, and just left. He wanted to take me to dinner that night. This was the beginning of our relationship...and what a great start.
Years later, from one of his friends...I found out he went home with another girl....someone that just offered to sleep with him. Ashley broke up with me twice...broke my heart a million times. I could never figure out why I was so weak with him. After all that he did...all of the lies he probably told..I let him hurt me. Maybe it's something to do with my lack of love from my father...looking to make someone love me who wouldn't...or any of that psychobabble.
Ashley called me in NY a month before husband and I got married...he was in town, since he had just moved to LA. ( I know, everyone moves to LA) He wanted to meet for a drink, and just catch up. Since we hadn't dated in years...I thought I would show up...looking fabulous again...and make him cry for not having me in his life now. He had over the past few years tried to win me back...flowers, proposals (fake I'm sure)...but hey, I'm a smart girl...it only takes me 3 or 4 times to get it. I thought I'll see him this last time. Well, I waited...at my bar where he was supposed to meet me...for an hour. He never showed. I was angry...and somewhat worried, since he was the one bugging me to meet up with him. He didn't even call.
He called and emailed a few days later with some bogus story. Me wanting to tell him off, but my smart sister convincing me to take control of the freakin' situation and let it go...to let him go, for good. That meant no calling, no accepting phone calls...no emailing...completely cut off. I have to say when I read his last email, and my finger reluctantly hit delete, I did feel some sense of power. "Hey, I'm choosing to let go of this manipulation." "you are not right for me, you're not good enough for me." Sounds stupid, but it really was empowering. I was saying it's ok if you don't love me. I don't know why it was so important to make him love me. It was always me leaving relationships, if someone did love me, I was turned off, and would break it off. But this I love you, I don't...had me entrapped.
One of my girlfriends...that also lives in LA, called me today, saying she worked at a bar with Ashley last night. He was shocked to hear I gave up my career, got married and moved to CT. Not sure what else. She said he asked alot about me...it gave me a punch in the gut to just hear his name again. If I'm honest, I want to think it hurt him to think of me married to someone else. I wish more that she hadn't told him anything about me. I liked the idea of him not knowing where I am, what I doing, or who I'm with. Just him not knowing, made me happy. I guess a little bit glad he knows. He'll probably never write again...or send some hello text message at 1am. Even though it let me know he was thinking about me....even if I didn't respond.
It's such a dumb thing to have gone through. I get mad at myself thinking how stupid I was. I get mad thinking about how it still bothers me. I don't know...I just felt like talking. This isn't the kind of thing you talk about with your husband. Thanks for listening.
posted by Harlyn at 3:25 PM
14 Comments:
This post actually made my jaw drop. I've known girls who latch onto the unavailable guy a lot, sort of the love what they can't have mentality. I know a lot of guys who love having girls around like that. They have there "work for them" column and their "shit on them" list. It's amazing if you hear them honestly think about the girls that fall in either list.
What a jerk off he was/is. I mean seriously he left you at the bar to get laid.
I don't have to tell you you're way better off, cause you know that. I've had my heart broken before and no matter how much I justify the relationship or the feelings I had for her I always felt the loser in the end. It was a failure on my part, or so I thought.
I feel girly telling you how guys think.
Living well is the best revenge!!!! If he's done that bunk shit to you, he's certainly done it to countless other women. I think everyone has had an "Ashley" type relationship at some point in their life.
My "Ashley" used me for my money back in college. Like Kanye West said "I ain't sayin she's a gold digger".......
drama sucks. what's wrong with being honest these days? honesty is the new black.
It's funny how small a world life is, isn't it? Just be proud of yourself. You found someone who TRULY loves you, you let go of those bad patterns, of the bad boys like Ashley that make all us girls so crazy. Can you imagine if you'd still let him control you like that? Not to mention that the life you are leading is wonderful! You are finding yourself. Sometimes it seems like you're too hard on yourself for leaving your old life behind. To me, it sounds like you're much happier. I know it can be tough but hopefully you realize that he's the one who lost out, definitely not you.
I could write volumes about the "ashley" that dumped all over me.... but instead I got the best revenge, because I live better than he'll ever experience.
He lost out, not me.... and soon enough you'll know the same feeling.
Girl, I so feel this post.
I've been in a situation where I got "mad at myself thinking how stupid it was" but it helped me to realise that some good did come from the whole sordid experience... Remember, you walked! You decided you deserve better and cut him off. You're a stronger person for it. Meanwhile, he'll always be a selfish prick.
Stay up girl and appreciate the good in life!
:)
I've a situation like that before and I know how you feel. Everything seems simpler in hindsight. But the point is that you realized he was manipulating you and you got yourself out of the situation. There are so many girls out there that will never take that step.
And I think it's good that he knows you are married and happy without him. You'll be the one he let go, and he'll (if he doesn't already) regret it. So you did have the last word. Yeah, you may still be upset about what happened but he could never give you what your husband does - unconditional love. And you deserve that.
I was once married to annie Hall and she did the same thing to me as she did alfie.
willie: lol, thanks..no it wasn't girly.
S O A: thank you, I agree.
wootang: I love your responses, just great!
jax: thanks, it definitely is good to just get it out.
hollie: I think I am too hard on myself sometimes. You're right though, I know I'm better off.
ellen: thank you, you are right.
fotu: I'm happy so many of you can relate, makes me not feel so stupid
kitty: we all do deserve unconditional love, nothing less.
pirate: lol lol
The others are right about "the best revenge...living well...", but damn, girl! Don't most of us secretly wish we could actually SEE them suffer? Just a little, at least.
Sharing this may be another good step towards healing. Also, knowing that Ashley the man-whore still thinks of you must mean something. If for one single second he thought of you as just a piece of ass (sorry to be so blunt), he surely wouldn't STILL be thinking of you and asking so much about you. His loss.
City: Wow - it's hard for me to imagine someone as beautiful as you getting stood up by anyone. I guess it doesn't just happen to us "common folk". LOL
I know you are aware of how much better you are without him. In a way, your story kinda reminded me of my own drama going on right now. I mean, the way I feel about hubby and the "other". Not knowing or understanding why I care what hubby is doing. I think I want him more when he doesn't want me and when he shows signs of wanting to reconcile, I run. No wonder my life is such a mess. I HATE playing games. I just think that most of us can't help it...it's a subconscious thing that I think ALOT of people do, it's just that some of us don't really do it intentionally or with malice. Does that make any sense??
having my heart broken was the whole reason i started my blog. your post really hit home! even though i'm happy now, i still think about him and cringe. it was exactly one year ago today that we started dating. didn't last long but the effects will reverberate throughout my lifetime.
City - Hey look at it this way, you're way better off now with your husband. Let that Ashley eat his heart out.
Peace & Hugs,
- Neo
some men don't realize how much they lose by letting us go... and when they do, it's too late...
Post a Comment
<< Home